Love Them Like Jesus

About a week ago, my best friend's boyfriend lost his grandfather. Before she left we were discussing what exactly you should say and do in moments like these. She wanted to have comforting answers and words for him, and was at a loss. At the same time, his hurt pained her as well. And of course, I then hurt for her pain. What a crazy cycle... Mere days later, someone asked me if I could write down some appropraite responses to tough moments for her (ie. death, illness, depression, loss, etc...) The truth is, that we can't make a list of things to say at these times. Even if we could, those things would be spoken less genuinely, they would become cliches.

In reality, every death is as unique as the person who is dying. And every reaction to that death (or needs brought forth as a result of it) is unique to the person reacting. No two deaths, nor reactions to those deaths, will ever be the same. Nor should they be. A death is more than some random life event...it is the final life event. The one thing that we cannot reverse or decide against. It is final. Of all experiences, death must be among the most sacred and solemn, yet joyous of them all. And in the same way, each person's reaction to that death is wonderfully sacred. All too often, we lose sight of just how sacred an event each death is. And it the uniqueness and sacredness of death, that makes it impossible to have a programmed response for it; or a "list of appropraite responses". So then, what's the answer?

There is song by Casting Crowns called "Love Them Like Jesus". In one part the song says, "You're holding her hand. You're straining for words. You're trying to make sense of it all. She's desperate for hope; darkness clouding her view, and she's looking to you.   Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. You don't need the answers to all of life's questions. Just know that He loves her. He'll stay by her side. And love her like Jesus."

I think it is a pretty good answer. We should follow in the example of Jesus. What was Jesus' response? Well, He often spoke to his Father before healing a person...so we should come to Jesus with our intentions for those we love. Jesus made himself present...to listen, to care, to serve. So we also should make ourselves present. And Jesus loved...so we should love.

The most we can do in so many of these moments is to hold hands. To be present. To listen. To pray for the wisdom to know when to speak, and when to be silent. To accept and acknowledge that we do not have the answers. To encourage the telling of stories, and remembrance of joy. To allow our hearts to hurt for the other. To offer our help and care and love with sincerity. And then to take them to the foot of the cross in prayer. And finally just to love them, and let them know of our love.

I'm certainly no expert, but this is what I try to do. It's all I know to do. "Just love them like Jesus"...

To Hope or To Believe?

Someone asked this morning, "What do you believe is going on?". Once I answered the question, he asked, "What do you hope is going on?" He asked, very deliberately, as if the 2 should be different. I've been thinking about it all day, processing it, striving to understand it...do hope and belief go hand in hand...or is each best left to itself. I guess it just never dawned on me that these could be 2 separate things. But maybe they are...

Have you ever had something that you suspect is about to go very wrong? Or maybe something that has gone very wrong already? And although in your heart, you know that it is the nightmare, you try so hard to convince yourself that it isn't. You want to believe that it is something less horrible. Ever had that feeling? I most certainly have! I'm there right now... and I guess that is the divide between the two...

One can hope that the cancer isn't back, but believe that it is; hope that the end isn't near, but be prepared to say good-byes; hope that this seeming failure is actually a step to success, but believe they have failed. They are 2 separate things. At first this thought and distinction was a bit upsetting to me. Even though there are things that I never actually believe are happening (or going to happen), I tend to cling to hope. I want to cling to hope.

But then it dawned on me...that's the beauty of hope! When everything is at its' darkest, lowest, sadest, and lonliest moments...that is precisely when we need hope the most. Because hope tells us that what we believe could very well be true, but at the same time, there's always that tiny chance that we believe is wrong. I think that hope is just leaving room for God to work wonders. And he often does. Our human minds can conceive so much darkness, but hope allows us to believe that the light is simply covered and waiting to be discovered.   Hope = God.

So maybe they are separate, and maybe they are one and the same. Either way, I choose to Hope. I choose to leave room for God to work wonders. I choose to get out of the way, and let grace take over from time to time...