Love Them Like Jesus

About a week ago, my best friend's boyfriend lost his grandfather. Before she left we were discussing what exactly you should say and do in moments like these. She wanted to have comforting answers and words for him, and was at a loss. At the same time, his hurt pained her as well. And of course, I then hurt for her pain. What a crazy cycle... Mere days later, someone asked me if I could write down some appropraite responses to tough moments for her (ie. death, illness, depression, loss, etc...) The truth is, that we can't make a list of things to say at these times. Even if we could, those things would be spoken less genuinely, they would become cliches.

In reality, every death is as unique as the person who is dying. And every reaction to that death (or needs brought forth as a result of it) is unique to the person reacting. No two deaths, nor reactions to those deaths, will ever be the same. Nor should they be. A death is more than some random life event...it is the final life event. The one thing that we cannot reverse or decide against. It is final. Of all experiences, death must be among the most sacred and solemn, yet joyous of them all. And in the same way, each person's reaction to that death is wonderfully sacred. All too often, we lose sight of just how sacred an event each death is. And it the uniqueness and sacredness of death, that makes it impossible to have a programmed response for it; or a "list of appropraite responses". So then, what's the answer?

There is song by Casting Crowns called "Love Them Like Jesus". In one part the song says, "You're holding her hand. You're straining for words. You're trying to make sense of it all. She's desperate for hope; darkness clouding her view, and she's looking to you.   Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. You don't need the answers to all of life's questions. Just know that He loves her. He'll stay by her side. And love her like Jesus."

I think it is a pretty good answer. We should follow in the example of Jesus. What was Jesus' response? Well, He often spoke to his Father before healing a person...so we should come to Jesus with our intentions for those we love. Jesus made himself present...to listen, to care, to serve. So we also should make ourselves present. And Jesus loved...so we should love.

The most we can do in so many of these moments is to hold hands. To be present. To listen. To pray for the wisdom to know when to speak, and when to be silent. To accept and acknowledge that we do not have the answers. To encourage the telling of stories, and remembrance of joy. To allow our hearts to hurt for the other. To offer our help and care and love with sincerity. And then to take them to the foot of the cross in prayer. And finally just to love them, and let them know of our love.

I'm certainly no expert, but this is what I try to do. It's all I know to do. "Just love them like Jesus"...

To Hope or To Believe?

Someone asked this morning, "What do you believe is going on?". Once I answered the question, he asked, "What do you hope is going on?" He asked, very deliberately, as if the 2 should be different. I've been thinking about it all day, processing it, striving to understand it...do hope and belief go hand in hand...or is each best left to itself. I guess it just never dawned on me that these could be 2 separate things. But maybe they are...

Have you ever had something that you suspect is about to go very wrong? Or maybe something that has gone very wrong already? And although in your heart, you know that it is the nightmare, you try so hard to convince yourself that it isn't. You want to believe that it is something less horrible. Ever had that feeling? I most certainly have! I'm there right now... and I guess that is the divide between the two...

One can hope that the cancer isn't back, but believe that it is; hope that the end isn't near, but be prepared to say good-byes; hope that this seeming failure is actually a step to success, but believe they have failed. They are 2 separate things. At first this thought and distinction was a bit upsetting to me. Even though there are things that I never actually believe are happening (or going to happen), I tend to cling to hope. I want to cling to hope.

But then it dawned on me...that's the beauty of hope! When everything is at its' darkest, lowest, sadest, and lonliest moments...that is precisely when we need hope the most. Because hope tells us that what we believe could very well be true, but at the same time, there's always that tiny chance that we believe is wrong. I think that hope is just leaving room for God to work wonders. And he often does. Our human minds can conceive so much darkness, but hope allows us to believe that the light is simply covered and waiting to be discovered.   Hope = God.

So maybe they are separate, and maybe they are one and the same. Either way, I choose to Hope. I choose to leave room for God to work wonders. I choose to get out of the way, and let grace take over from time to time...

I See the World

Well, by now it has become quite obviously that I was not meant to be a blogger :) I just don't have the dedication for it; and I must confess that I find a pen and notebook more natural and comforting. So maybe this will become my "every now and then blog" for you, my lone reader...
I was talking to an individual this morning. He was telling me how he feels that there is no God. And he went on to talk about how "Life isn't worth living if you don't have the health or means to enjoy it fully". I have NEVER disagreed more!

There are a great many destinations on my list of places I want to visit one day. I want to go Austria; to see with my own eyes the sights recorded in my favorite movie "The Sound of Music", and then to travel to Switzerland while I am so close. I dream of a trip to Italy...of seeing the Vatican City, Assisi, Florence, and more. I want to explore the history rich land of Poland. I want to spend days in Ireland and Scottland, Australia, Tahiti, Egypt, the Holy Land, Alaska, and Hawaii. So many places I want to see. Odds are that I will never make it to most (if any) of those locations. But I can dream.

And for all that I haven't seen, I HAVE seen a great many beautiful sites. I have witnessed the garndeur of the mountains, and hiked across their terrain. I have seen and stepped foot in lakes and oceans all across the US. I have wtinessed the sun rise and set from a beach chair in the sand. I have hiked through forests and explored caves. Seen amazing animals in zoos, and in the wild. I have been blessed to witness the blooming of flowers and the beautifully colored death of leaves. I have visited the ruins of Aztec cities of old, and expereinced the lights and sounds of big cities like New York, Reno,  and Las Vegas. I have journeyed to places like the Bahamas and Jamaica; where I touched Dolphins, swam in alligator infested waters, and jumped from a high cliff into a pristine natural spring of water (that when follwed to the end, lead to the ocean).

But life is more than sights. In 26 years, I have shared meals with the wealthiest and with the poorest of poor. I have served, and I have been served. I have known what it feels like to filled with joy, and to mourn with great sorrow. I have held brand new babies in my arms, and I have stood at the side of someone I loved as they took their last breath. I have rejoiced in health, and suffered in pain; and held the hand of others as they did the same. I have gained and lost, been first and last, taken wrong turns and the right ones. I have loved deeply, and known what is to be loved deeply.

In all of these things, I have lived...I have seen the world. More importantly, I have seen God. I know He's there, how can He not be? His grace sustains me. His love gives me hope. And He shows himself to us every single day in nature, in experiences, and in each other. I absolutely look forward to eternity with Him. But I am thankful for each day He gives me here. Because each day is a chance to see and experience more...and chance to know Him better through the world around me. I see God because I see the world...

A World of Magic?

To you, my lone reader, I apologize for the awfully long delay in posts. But I am back, and intend to be a better "blogger"!

I was reading an article the other day, written by a Catholic mother. She was talking about her reasons for banning her teenage children from reading the Harry Potter series. They were the same reasons that she never allowed her children to watch Disney movies, or Clifford; the same reasons she never encouraged her children to read "The Alphabet Tree" or the "Kissing Hand" or any Dr. Seuss book...they weren't allowed because they were magical. And I don't just mean the waving wands and casting spells kind of magical; but she banned all that wasn't "real, tangible, daily life".

I have to say that I so disagree. Personally, I'm not sure that I want to live in world stripped of magic. Magic really isn't so bad...I think it lets us escape from the stress and restraints of "Real Life." It allows us to envision that our lives could be something more. Magic teaches us to dream, and to find joy and excitement all around us. Why would we want to take this away?

I couldn't help but to think of my future children. Already I stock pile the favorite children's cartoons and movies from my own childhood to enliven that of my future children. I desire a life full of magic for them...and this doesn't mean that I expect witchcraft and the occult... But that I want my children to know, for at least that blessed time of youth, a world where children can fly to Never, Never Land. A world where all you need is "faith, trust, and just a little pinch of pixie dust." I want them to celebrate a world where pumpkins turn into carriages, and where every girl is a princess and every young boy a hero. I hope that they find friends in Clifford the Big Red Dog, Garfield, Mickey Mouse, and every other character that will being laughter and joy to their dreams. I want them to have fun imagining Willie Wonka's chocolate factory, Beauty and the Beast's Enchanted Castle, and arctic islands where penguins communicate with humans in the form of dance. Let them believe that animals can speak and that their toys come to life while they sleep.

And as teens, I hope they do pick up and read the Harry Potter series. Not because it is full of spells and trolls, but because it is the story of teenagers (on the verge of adulthood) who set out on a journey to defeat evil through good. I want the voice of Albus Dumbledore to echo through their ears, "Sooner or later, we must all make the choice between what is right and what is easy." I want them to read about how important it was for Harry, Ron, and Hermoine to study, practice, and learn to accomplish their goals. I want them to strive for the solid and healthy friendships the three nurtured. I want them to believe that they can stand for and accomplish something great. And I want them to learn the lesson that Harry learned... that life is less about power and control; and more about lending yourself to the good...and valuing love and friendship above all else.

The time to be an adult, with the weight of the world on their shoulders will be far greater than the few precious years of youth. Why not fill those years with magic and imagination; dreaming and joy? My wish, my prayer, for my future children is a world FULL of magic...dream on...

The Right Questions

So last night I was watching this video on the internet about the book When Bad Things Happen To Good People. I'm pretty familiar with the book. When I was in college I had to choose a research topic for my Pastoral Care class, and I chose Theodicy. In a round about way, it was an effort to try to make sense of how we can have such a loving God in such a suffering world. It's a puzzle that has always intrigued me. When I did that project, I read a lot of books on the subject...I've read several more since. But still, it's one of those topics that always seems to open up more questions than it gives answers.

When I wrote the paper for class, my thought process (as best I can remember) was more about God's role in suffering. I don't think that God sits high in a cloud somewhere and thinks up painful schemes to hurt us. I don't think that He gives us pain to teach us; or that He creates us thinking, "This one's really gunna suffer big." It doesn't make sense to me that way at all. I guess that just isn't the God I know. My thought process has been more like, pain and suffering entered the world through sin...often through the choices we make. I don't think God wants to see us suffer or hurt. And when we are created, I think it's probably more like, "This one I know will suffer much. So, I'll make and fill her with the strength and graces she'll need." I think good often comes from suffering in the form of lessons learned and people to help. But I think it's the good that comes from the suffering that God designs for us. It's our crazy cool, awesome, magnanimous God that looks at our lives and creates ways for us to bring goodness from our suffering, if we so chose...God's just cool like that. And well, this has been my thought process for a while now.

But last night, it struck me that maybe we aren't asking the right questions. Instead of asking "Why is the glass half empty?", we should be asking why it is half full. Instead of asking why bad things happen to good people, we should be asking why good things happen to bad people. Now I don't mean this to come off in a sort of, we all suck, way. But we are all sinners; we all screw up, we all turn away. So don't we deserve the bad? I know I do. Yet, my life is full of so much goodness and grace. Why do I deserve the good, the grace. I don't. But God showers it all on me anyway...His grace and love is so far beyond what I deserve. And yet, I still moan over the suffering. I'm so inwardly turned and selfish and high in my own estimation of myself and my humanity, that I keep asking the wrong why.

So today, I'm going with some different questions: "Why do I deserve a glass half full?" "Why do good things happen to bad (sinful) people?" "Why does God provide me with lemons to make my lemonade?" "Why does it always seem that I make it through just fine, when I thought there wasn't a chance?" "Why does so much good come from so little suffering?" I think the answer is probably something like "grace" or "Love". All I know is that I am thankful for it. And this whole new world of actually, honestly, understanding it on a much more real level came because I finally thought to ask the right questions.
Anyway, I was just thinking...

It's All About the Tree

So here goes nothing...

I don't expect that anyone will ever actually read this thing. I know it sounds kind of stupid...like, what's the point then? My spiritual director thought it would be a great idea, and I agree. I guess the point is that I have a lot on my mind, and I love to write. And sometimes the answers to puzzles come in pieces, but we can only put the pieces together if we can find them. So, I guess this is about putting my puzzle pieces in a safe place...so that they will be there when I need them.

If anyone ever does read this thing, I'm sorry. Because I won't be too focused on spelling, grammar, or flow. This is just about saying things and getting them out there. Thinking (or writing) out loud so to speak.

When I had to choose a title for this blog, I didn't hesitate. I knew it had to be "Beneath the Tree". I have found God time and time again beneath a good tree. I have asked questions and searched for answers and pieced together puzzles beneath good trees. Something about the sturdiness of the trunk and the coverage and safety beneath it's limbs have always spoken to me about who God is. And I guess it would make sense that God would come to me in a tree. I mean, He came to the rescue of all humanity upon a tree. He reached out to the sinner Zaccheus beneath a tree. And He spoke to His mother and John, who were beneath the tree. God chose to solve the world's greatest problems through trees... and I guess it would make sense that He still does. So that's the plan. This will be my indoor tree. The place I come to think and write and pray and solve puzzles...especially when I can't make it out the real thing. And so begins a new(ish) journey "Beneath the Tree".